The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

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Villard #ad - One must always check the hotel bathroom for hobo hairs and consciously remember not to stare at old men with giant man-boobies. Join notaro as she experiences the popular phenomenon of laser hair removal because at least one of her chins should be stubble-free; bemoans the scourge of the Open Mouth Coughers on America’s airplanes and in similarly congested areas; welcomes the newest ex-con yay, a sex offender! to her neighborhood; and watches, against her own better judgment, every Discovery Health Channel special on parasites and tapeworms that has ever aired—resulting in an overwhelming fear that a worm the size of a python will soon come a-knocking on her back door.

In notaro’s world, strangers are stranger than fiction. Don’t even try. And then there are the lessons she has learned the hard way: Though it may seem like a good idea, it’s best not to hire a tweaked-out homeless guy to clean up your yard. New york times bestseller • laurie notaro has an uncanny ability to attract insanity—and leave readers doubled over with laughter.

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal #ad - Need proof? check out the idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death and try not to bust a gut. The plain dealer says that laurie notaro is “a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. With the idiot girl and the flaming tantrum of Death, Notaro proves she’s not only funny but resigned to the fact that you can’t look bad ass in a Prius.

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We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

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Villard #ad - But no–it’s happened. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe “I’m going to kick his hair’s ass!” to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie’s wrath. Laurie notaro figured she had at least a few good years left.

Her riffs on e-mail spam “with all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, i want a pENIS NOW!!”, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end”, eBay “There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, and the perils of St.

We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive #ad - And for laurie, it’s all true. And the results are breathtaking. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her–inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. She has officially lost her marbles. She thought she’d have more time. Patrick’s day “when i’m driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens” are the stuff of legend.

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I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies: True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl

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Villard #ad - Laurie also explores the backstabbing world of preschoolers at a Halloween party, the X-rated madness of a family trip to Disneyland, and the pressure from her QVC-addicted mother and the rest of the world to reproduce. Now she’s ready to take on the thirtysomething years. I love everybody and other Atrocious Lies is Laurie Notaro at her deliciously quirky best.

Here are more scathingly funny tales from the wild side! Laurie Notaro survived the debauched ride of her twenties and the bumpy road to matrimony. But while losing more friends to babies than to booze, she realizes there’s a plus side: at least for a couple of months she gets to be the thinner friend.

And almost middle age has never been more hilarious. Laurie is married, sizes, mortgaged, and now—miraculously—employed in the corporate world, discovering that bosses come in all shapes, and degrees of mental stability. Can a woman prone to what her loved ones might term “meltdowns” she considers them “Opportunities to Enlighten” put a smile on her face and love everybody? Take a guess.

I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies: True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl #ad - After maxing out her last good credit card at banana republic, six-foot-plus gretchen “Three Thousand Faces of Eve” before battling the overbearing, overstuffed in way-too-small pants new mom Suzzi, she’s dressed for success and ready to face the jungle: surviving feral, who ruthlessly cancels Laurie’s newspaper column and learns that payback can be a bitch.

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Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life

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Ballantine Books #ad - Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame. After all, home wasn’t built in a day. Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport.

From defying nature in the quest to make her own twinkies, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. If laurie notaro’s books don’t inspire pants-wetting fits of laughter, because, then please consult your physician, clearly, your funny bone is broken.

Jen lancaster, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, author of i regret nothing#1 New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team her husband’s not on it.

Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life #ad - Praise for laurie notaro   “notaro is a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. The plain dealer   “hilarious, fabulously improper, and completely relatable, Notaro is the queen of funny. Celia rivenbark, author of rude bitches make Me Tired“Notaro is direct and self-deprecating, and her disastrous attempts to sew a dress and make jerky treats for her dog are relatable and funny.

Library Journal .

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The Potty Mouth at the Table

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Gallery Books #ad - Foodies. In other words, irresistibly Laurie. From shuddering at the graphic harry potter erotica conjured up at a writer’s group to lamenting the sudden ubiquity of quinoa “It looks like larvae no matter how you cook it”, The Potty Mouth at the Table is whip-smart, unpredictable, and hilarious. With the sardonic, it’s them and okay, laurie explores her recent misadventures and explains why it’s not her who is nuts, self-deprecating wit that makes us all feel a little better about ourselves for identifying with her, sometimes it’s her too.

New york times bestselling author laurie notaro—rightfully hailed as “the funniest writer in the solar system” The Miami Herald—spares nothing and no one, least of all herself, in this uproarious new collection of essays on rudeness. Anne frank’s underwear. Whether confessing that her obsession with buying fabric has reached junior hoarder status or mistaking a friend’s heinous tattoo as temporary, Laurie puts her unique spin—sometimes bizarre, always entertaining—on the many perils of modern living in a mannerless society.

The Potty Mouth at the Table #ad - From the celebrated author best known for the idiot girls’ Action-Adventure Club and described as “the funniest writer in the solar system” The Miami Herald comes a new laugh-out-loud collection of essays on rudeness. Pinterest.

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It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

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Villard #ad - 1 new york times bestsellereveryone’s favorite idiot girl, laurie notaro, is just trying to find the right fit, whether it’s in the adorable blouse that looks charming on the mannequin but leaves her in a literal bind or in her neighborhood after she’s shamefully exposed at a holiday party by delivering a low-quality rendition of “Jingle Bells.

Notaro makes misstep after riotous misstep as she shares tales of marriage and family, including stories about the dog-bark translator that deciphers Notaro’s and her husband’s own “woofs” a little too accurately, the emails from her mother with “FWD” in the subject line “which in email code means Forecasting World Destruction”, and the dead-of-night shopping sprees and Devil Dog–devouring monkeyshines of a creature known as “Ambien Laurie.

It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy #ad - At every turn, notaro’s pluck and irresistible candor set the New York Times bestselling author on a journey that’s laugh-out-loud funny and utterly unforgettable.

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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

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Villard #ad - For the past ten years, notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends—and that’s before she even puts on a bra.

. I washed on a normal basis and still had good credit. Introducing laurie notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club. The misadventures of laurie and her fellow idiot Girls “too cool to be in the Smart Group” unfold in a world that everyone will recognize but no one has ever described so hilariously.

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life #ad - She delivers the goods: life as we all know it. She writes about a world of hourly-wage jobs that require absolutely no skills, a mother who hands down judgments more forcefully than anyone seated on the Supreme Court, horrific high school reunions, and hangovers that leave her surprised that she woke up in the first place.

Back then i said no to using and selling drugs. New york times bestseller“i’ve changed a bit since high school.

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An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List

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Villard #ad - She’ll be the one dialing the cops. Prepare to laugh your tinsel off. It’s the most wonderful–and most dreadful–season of the year, drunken holiday revelers stay long past their welcome, when boxes of truffles attack your thighs, and your grandmother has conniptions at the department store over the price of hand lotion.

Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime. In ten brand-new stories and three previously published favorites, notaro shares the sidesplitting daily disasters of the holidays, like finding herself on emergency feminine product recon at midnight on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable Horrible Gift Parade by simply asking for holiday dish towels and giant white underpants from Sears; battling the morons in line at the Seventh Circle of Hell, otherwise known as the do-it-yourself craft store; and trying to live down her reputation as the Most Unfun Christmas Party Guest Ever, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a fake overdose and emergency paramedics.

An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List #ad - It’s laurie notaro’s holiday handbook. So whether you find yourself at the dull and smart Party or the Raucous and Stupid Party this holiday season, you’ll always know where to find Laurie–just follow the chocolate trail over to the cheese platter.

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Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

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Villard #ad - Right, settles down, moves in, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony. But it does get funnier. From her mother's grade-school warning to avoid kids in tie-dyed shirts because their hippie parents spent their food money on drugs and art supplies; to her night-before-the-wedding panic over whether her religion is the one where you step on the glass; to her unfortunate overpreparation for the mandatory drug-screening urine test at work; to her audition as a Playboy centerfold as research for a newspaper story, Autobiography of a Fat Bride has the same zits-and-all candor and outrageous humor that made Idiot Girls an instant cult phenomenon.

In autobiography of a fat Bride, Laurie contemplates family, home improvement, and the horrible tyrannies of cosmetic saleswomen. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. The author of the new york times bestseller The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club tackles her biggest challenge yet: grown-up life.

Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood #ad - In autobiography of a fat bride, laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air-conditioning. She finds that life doesn't necessarily get any easier as you get older.

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There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

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Villard #ad - When her husband is offered a post at a small university, Maye is only too happy to pack up and leave the relentless Phoenix heat for the lush green quietude of Spaulding, Washington. Aided by a deranged former pageant queen with one eyebrow, Maye doesn’t just make a splash, she uncovers a sinister mystery that has haunted the town for decades.

And when you’re a childless thirtysomething freelance writer who works at home, making new friends can be quite a challenge. While she loves the odd little town, there is one thing she didn’t anticipate: just how heartbreaking it would be leaving her friends behind. Laurie notaro may be the funniest writer in this solar system.

There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble #ad - The miami Herald. The first novel from the new york times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is a rollicking tale of small-town peculiarity, dark secrets, and one extraordinary beauty pageant. After a series of false starts nearly gets her exiled from town, Maye decides that her last chance to connect with her new neighbors is to enter the annual Sewer Pipe Queen Pageant, a kooky but dead-serious local tradition open to contestants of all ages and genders.

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Being a Dad Is Weird: Lessons in Fatherhood from My Family to Yours

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Dey Street Books #ad - He also shares tales from his own childhood in Southern Illinois, and life with his father—an outspoken, brilliant, but unconventional man with a big heart and a somewhat casual approach to employment named Steve Falcone. Ben is just an ordinary dad who has his share of fights with other parents blocking his view with their expensive electronic devices at school performances.

While steve falcone may not have been the briefcase and gray flannel suit type, he taught Ben priceless lessons about what matters most in life. A supportive, steve made sure his sons’ lives were never dull—a sense of adventure that carries through this warm, sometimes hilarious, and downright funny dad, creative, and poignant memoir.

Being a Dad Is Weird: Lessons in Fatherhood from My Family to Yours #ad - . Navigating the complicated role of being the only male in a house full of women, he finds himself growing more and more concerned as he sounds more and more like his dad. There, he’s just dad. A funny and intimate look at fatherhood from the actor and writer/director of The Boss and Tammy that combines stories about his own larger-than-life dad and how his experiences raising two daughters with his wife, who also penned the Foreword, Melissa McCarthy, are shaped by his own childhood.

Though he’s best known for his appearances in the movie Enough Said, as well as his hilarious role as Air Marshall Jon in Bridesmaids, Ben Falcone isn’t a big shot movie star director at home. In this winning collection of stories, Ben shares his funny and poignant adventures as the husband of Melissa McCarthy, and the father of their two young daughters.

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